im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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