I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ttyl tear gas
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
