Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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