he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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