I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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