Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
