She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
