2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
