ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
