U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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