He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
