I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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