i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
