after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize