I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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