two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
