Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
