"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
