what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
