What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
