This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
