I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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