our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
