apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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