Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
