$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
