I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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