You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
