Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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