I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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