Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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