What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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