Got a toothbrush?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
