I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
