Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
