Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
