I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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