after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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