i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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