I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
