i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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