hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
