oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
