Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
