Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
