i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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