i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
