Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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