So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
