If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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