Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just had sex bonerless
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
