dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
