Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
