I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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