Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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