Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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