TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
