I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
