you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
