It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
