Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
