I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone says I win the strip club
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
