am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
