my room smells like sperm. sweet.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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