I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
