if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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