People in love make me want to vomit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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