i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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