not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
