guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
