Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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