That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were trust falling into bushes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
