big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
