Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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