I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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