Grow some girl-balls and come out already
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
