Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
