I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
