This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
