I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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