remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
