the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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