Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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